GUYS!!! I am beyond pleased to introduce a new/guest writer to the blog. It is my fabulous sister, Sarah, who will be doing frequent posts now on my site! She is a teacher, side hustle queen, wife, and doggy mom. I know you’ll love her!
“You know, I always try to out on my moisturizer the night before. You know, so it can soak in overnight.”
“Do you mind if I share my favorite moisturizer recommendation with you?”
“Hey, have you ever tried a B.B. cream?”
Why yes, I have tied that. I have tried ALL of that! Thanks. My entire life I have struggled with dry skin. I am also blessed with adult acne. Now before you get too excited about this post, I want to preface this by saying that this is not a post about how I spent hundreds of dollars going to a dermatologist… nor have I found the perfect commercial product that fixes all of my skin issues. Instead this is my letter of surrender. I am waving the white flag.
In thinking of when my skin issues surfaced, I find myself back in middle school. Scary, I know. Who wants to go back there? Not me. But nevertheless, that’s when I first remember experiencing flaky, dry skin on my face and acne around my temples and chin. It also happens to coincide with when I first began to experience all of the oh so helpful tips and tricks from everyone who felt so bad for little ole me. The girl who just couldn’t figure out how to be a girl right. While everyone else in my grade was figuring it out… my face just managed to get worse. So naturally, I covered it up with all the products I could find.
Since that time I have watched the tutorials. I have read the blogs. I have gone B.B. cream during the winter and mineral powder in the summer. I have done powder foundation, liquid foundation, cream foundations… I have believed the promises of so many moisturizers. But today, I concede defeat.
I have learned so much about myself over the last few years. I always envied women who seemed so put together and confident. Now I see that it isn’t that they are actually put together. They have just accepted who they are… they have quit fighting with themselves. My car is trashy. It is. So why is it, that whenever I give someone a ride, I immediately find myself apologizing for how messy it is and explaining how it is never like that. I like to think that I am an honest, God fearing woman, but I lie to those people so easily and so quickly. As bad as that is, I find that I am even worse about lying to myself.
I have been covering up my skin issues with makeup for years… poorly. When I think back to the beginning of those issues it’s kind of a chicken and egg scenario. It makes me wonder.. did I start experimenting with makeup to cover up my messed up puberty face, or was it vice versa?
The other day my husband told me that we had dinner plans. Normally that would be great, but it was with his mother and in true Mark fashion, it was 10 minutes from when he informed me of it. Being that it was the weekend, I had not bothered to out any makeup on and so I immediately panicked. Great, now everyone wiki see that at the age of 29 I have acne. A thing that basically screams that I have no self respect and don’t take care of myself. So I ran to the bathroom to throw on some makeup. It covered the pimples and simultaneously managed to make my face flake out. I thought it myself how vicious the cycle is… I’m so embarrassed by my acne that I have to wear makeup to cover it up. The makeup and its application process dries out my skin making me transform into the great flaking monster. And on top of that it also causes me to break out which makes me wear more makeup.
A possible solution finally occurred to me the other day. Right after a 14 year old offered me skin care advice, I went through my normal shame spiral. I thought of how I should wake up earlier and I should spend more time and effort and money on my beauty regimine. I started making all these plans… and then I remembered who I am. I am not going to follow through on any of that. If I have not done so in the 16 years since 7th grade, then why would I possibly think I would do so now? It’s insane. Literally Einstein’s definition.. doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Well it’s time for an overhaul.. not just of my routine, but of my mindset.
I do manage to make myself spend about 15 minutes of my day on my beauty regimen. Instead of setting a goal that I know I will never accomplish, maybe I should try something more realistic. Instead if spending my carefully set aside 15 minutes on covering up all of my skin issues which just manage to breed more skin issues, what if I used that time on trying to get my skin healthy. Surely a healthy clean face looks better that a flaky, dry made up face? That’s right people. I am going the route of the celebrities. If Alicia Keys can do it, so can I. Unfortunately, I don’t have social revolution on my mind. I would love to attribute this decision to shaking my fist at the man and laying down the shackles of unfair beauty expectations imposed on women by society. Instead, all I can say is that I’m lazy. The result is the same. I am officially giving up makeup. I am going to use that time that I have set aside to clean my face, use toner (don’t know what that does, but I bought some today),and apply a good moisturizer.
I also can’t say that I am not more than a little terrified by the thought of baring my face in public. But interestingly enough, that actually just build my resolve. It just makes me accept that I am not comfortable in my own skin and that bothers me more. Why is it more socially acceptable to have unhealthy skin covered up with chemicals than a makeup free face that is healthy? I am setting out on a journey to pursue healthy. Healthy skin, healthy weight, and healthy soul. I am going to make an active effort to give up the burden of shame I feel because of unvoiced societal expectations of what it means to be a woman my age. Instead I am focusing on being a healthy, happy person. Because I am someone who needs short achievable goals, this is step number one and I’ll let you know how it goes.